October 14, 2013

Today I had T give me a blessing.  It was after we’d been searching the internet for some ideas to tell our parents that we’re pregnant (we’re hoping to wait until we’re 12 weeks along).  I’ve been having some fears and I keep remembering President Uchtdorf’s quote from general conference last week when he said, “Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.”  Let’s just say I’m working on it.

In my blessing, T said something I don’t want to forget.  He said that sometimes the Lord extends our waiting period for an answer to prayers in order to help our talents, gifts, and abilities grow.  That’s exactly how I feel now.  I keep praying to know if this baby is going to be healthy and strong.  There are so many “what ifs?” in my head during the day that I need to remember to go back to the basics.  To read my scriptures.  To pray.  To magnify my callings and to truly rely on and trust in the Lord.

Another thing happened today that I thought was a HUGE deal.   A couple of months ago I made a purchase online.  As we were going through credit card transfers yesterday, we found that we had some hidden charges from the company I had ordered through.  Tyler called them up and we found out that there was some fine print that I hadn’t read.  I felt SO stupid.  Ridiculous.  I was so upset at myself for wasting our money on something not needed, especially with a baby coming.  What made it worse at the time was how patient and utterly understanding Tyler was at the time.  He was being such a good husband and with my prego emotions raging, I threw a bit of a fit.  I cried and apologized over and over and said I’d fix it so he wouldn’t have to.  In his perfect understanding and love, he opened his arms and just hugged me and said it would be okay.

This morning, he called up the company before I had even eaten breakfast and had figured out the necessary steps to get some of the money back and get the rest back on credit.  He was marvelous.  And, in that moment, I caught a glimpse of what the Atonement really is.  A perfect, deep love that cannot be penetrated by anyone.  My Heavenly Father will love me no matter what I do.  I think that’s the humbling aspect of it.  That no matter what I do, he will love me perfectly.  That he doesn’t love me any differently than when I was 3 years old to my 24 years right now.  It’s a perfect, all encompassing love that never changes.

Wow.  Hello one of the first learning experiences of pregnancy.